Does your ex miss you or is it boredom?

April 24, 2020

With the UK in lockdown due to the Coronavirus pandemic, some of us are left with time on our hands. We can’t meet our friends so there’s no socialising. You may also be working from home and living alone.

You have a lot more time to think, remembering the past, the good times…. and then you get a text from your ex! Seems you’re not the only one reminiscing! We want to let you know if your ex misses you or is it just boredom?

First of all, let’s clarify, none of us are mind readers! But that doesn’t mean we can’t read between the lines to get a sense of what such a text means.

There is more than one factor at play here too, such as:

• Who ended the relationship?
• Was it amicable?
• How long since you last heard from them, if at all, since breaking up?
• What time of day was it sent? (yes, this can tell a tale!)
• What exactly does it say?

Supposing that they ended the relationship and you get a “What are you up to?” at 11 at night, let’s be honest, it’s unlikely they’re looking to meet for a coffee! They’re bored, it’s not hard to see- it sounds brutal, but it’s true.

If they text you mid afternoon with a “Hey, just wondering how you’re doing?”,this could be a genuine outreach to stay friends, and an honest concern to see how you are. If it’s been some time since the last contact you had, it’s quite likely to be a bona fide question but not likely to be an invite for anything more. Your ex could be just a nice guy or girl.

Assuming you were the one left broken hearted and they knew how painful it was for you, they could be reaching out to ease their own guilt. It’s not very fair to contact someone still in love and raise false hope that the text may lead to more.

When you’re upset, it’s easy to read what you want to see from a text. That momentary thought hits us “Well, they MUST be thinking about me, they sent a text and that’s a good thing!”. Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case, some people only care about making their own life easier.

On the condition that the split was amicable and you have stayed in touch a little, then don’t read too much into that same text either. If both parties are asking how each other is and things are on a friendly level, that’s exactly what it is.

Having said that, they may actually be missing you a bit. But, that’s normal and doesn’t mean a broken relationship should be picked up again. It’s completely natural to miss having that someone around at first, but do seriously consider the reasons for the break up in the first place.

If you receive a text stating, as clear as day, “I really do miss you, can we talk?”, that says all it needs to say. Before making any decisions, you have every right to ask questions. This may be asking why they broke up with you in the first place or “Why now?” if it’s been some time since having any contact.

If you have moved on and are in a new relationship, ask yourself whether this has anything to do with being missed by your ex. Maybe you have just posted it on social media and all of a sudden, the ex has contacted you. Some people like to keep their options open, which means they wouldn’t commit to you but don’t want you to be unavailable either.

Even if you have moved on and are happily single, you have every right to ask any questions you’d like answered. Ask them to be clear about their intentions if need be. Don’t allow a text to undo all the hard work you’ve put into healing and moving on.

By the same token, there’s nothing to stop you playing it cool “I’ve got a new phone, who is this?”. That’s a pretty good sign you’re not hanging into their number and waiting for them to get in touch.

Should it all become a bit of a nuisance, and they’re not taking the hint (even when you out and out say stop!!), ignore them and block their number. Quite simple and easy to do! Don’t feel bad about it, they haven’t while bombarding you with unwanted messages and phone calls.

Above all, a text from an ex can instill a huge variety of emotions and physical feelings. Whatever you decide to do, please remember first and foremost that your mental health is of huge importance, keep yourself safe. Write a pro and con list if you need to! This can be an eye-opener when you see it written down, but do be honest and objective with yourself and your feelings. You’ve got this far, continue the good work!